THis school year has flashed by so very fast and it feels like everything is changed; I feel like I'm a different person. I'm still not sure if this is a positive or negative transformation, but I'm willing to take this new Me and see where it goes; I feel like I am a bit more of an interesting person now...of course I'm still the boring old Patricia, but it's like now this spark, that I've always felt inside me, is free to burn on it's own will. I don't feel the NEED to hold myself back so much anymore; this can go either way but I feel more of a person because I can more openly express natural humanistic feelings, even if I only express them to myself.
I feel like I am in a different place in my life than I was last year; things are different and simpler yet their simplicity makes things much more complicated to me. Last year in middle school was a year in which I struggled and had more troubles than I could count, and now many of those problems are fixed, if not put behind me. At my school last year, I was a fish out of water; I was a very boring and dull fish out of water. THis year, I can feel more like a small fish in a big pond and I like the feeling. Maybe I feel like I can fit in better because now I am in a performing arts shop; I'm with people who have similar interests. I don't have to be afriad to randomly bust out in song. People don't judge you as easy; of course there's drama, but name one place where there isn't.
I know that I am a year older than I was last year, but it still seems like my first day in the ISP room, was only a few weeks ago. I'm going to be sixteen soon and I can't help but feel like I'm not old enough to be sixteen. Makes perfect sense, right? hahaha I really cannot belive I am only left with three more years of high school...that's kind of scary. I didn;t know that time could pass so fast. I start to wonder if time will og on forrever, and then I realize that because I've spent so much time worrying about how long time will take to move on, I missed time and I will never get it back.
I used to know exactly what I wanted to do when I got out of high school. I wanted to become a world famous actress and singer who everyone adored...now I see the error in my planning . hahhaa THat type of thing doesn't just happen. SO maybe I'll get a minor in performing arts and I'll major in something else like law or psychiatry. I'm not sure yet. But I want to do soething that will mkae me feel accomplishment at the end of every day; I just need that. Maybe I could write...I always feel accomplished after I write something meaningful. I still have so much to figure out, but I'm hoping that maybe time will slow down for a while so I can get myself together.
